Stages of a Break Up

“Please, stay with me tonight, please!” “I’m sorry, but I don’t love you anymore, I can’t.” Sound familiar? So what’s next? You’re sweating, shaking, and feeling as if the world will soon come to an end. Everything you believed in- love, respect, loyalty- has all vanished at lightning speed. You told yourself that if you treated her/him right, she/he’d be with you forever. Wrong! Nothing really lasts forever. This is a lesson we all learn the hard way. She/he’ll hurt you, and you’ll probably hurt someone else. It’s a vicious cycle, one that must be learned, in order to survive the crazy game of “love”. Let’s face it, we have all been through the dreaded breakup. If you haven’t, believe me, at some point in your life, you will. So here is an eight-stage timeline you may experience that can help you recuperate after a breakup.

Eight-Stage Timeline

Stage 1 – Time heals everything: It’s normal to have low self-esteem when someone you love leaves you. But remember, you’re still the same person that she/he once fell in love with. The only difference is that you are no longer together. Believe me, you’ll find someone else in time. As for your broken heart, the old saying time heals everything cannot be more true.

Stage 2 – You are vulnerable: Anyone can take advantage of you when you are feeling vulnerable. You must therefore be extra careful not to look to quick fixes, such as dating old flings.

Stage 3 – Feelings of denial: At this stage, you will probably call your ex many times to question whether the relationship is truly over, or whether there is still a chance that your relationship can be salvaged.

Stage 4 – Feelings of bitterness: Remember, the relationship is over, so don’t express feelings of sadness and bitterness to your ex. If you do, you’ll be letting her/him know that you are unable to handle her decision, which makes you look immature. Instead, channel those feelings into positive energy by improving the skills at the activities you love and doing things to bring back a sense of balance and joy in your life.

Stage 5 – Take time off: A lot of people try to rebuild their new broken fragile ego by dating again too soon after a breakup. Stop! You’ll only end up damaging yourself even more, as well as the person you are dating. If you date someone just to fill a gap, that’s the way you’ll end up treating that person. Stay away from people who’ll prey on your fragile emotional state, and take advantage of your vulnerability. This will only give you a false sense of trust. Take time off and get involved in things you never had the time to do before.

Stage 6 – Socialize: Meet a lot of new people. Use this time to improve relations with old friends, network, and make new friends. A well-balanced life will lessen the impact of a breakup, because you will still have the other aspects of your life intact, and improved.

Stage 7 – Fall in love: Eventually, as time passes, you will fall in love again. Make sure to let yourself fall in love, and take the time to really let your partner in your life. There is nothing better than a new flame to make you forget an old one (once you have had the time to heal, of course).

Stage 8 – Don’t set yourself up: Don’t get carried away with this new found flame, remember nothing lasts forever and even this new relationship may not weather the test of time. Don’t make this person the sole focus of your life, because if it doesn’t workout, you’ll find yourself right back at Stage 1.

Chance of Reconciliation?

Sometimes the break up does not have to be permanent. This is something that has to be decided by both partners.  If there is a chance for reconciliation then I would like to recommend any one of these 4 e-guides or all of them for some wonderful and useful resources on how to repair the relationship. If you feel that it can be worked out then consider these tools. Give your partner some space. Stop obsessing about what they are or are not doing. Go within and get to know yourself again!

Now for those of you that know it is over here are some words of comfort to try and help you through.

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