Facing Your Fears

How much does fear control your life?

Fear can be a very debilitating treacherous emotion. There is a healthy level of fear that we all need for basic survival but some people literally let fear rule their lives. This can take a person to the ‘depths of hell’ so to speak and keep you chained to a life that is full of guilt and regrets.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend. They worked for a secure company and depended on a regular salary on a bi-weekly basis. The client commented on how “lucky” I was to own and operate my own business and be doing what I loved and wished he could do the same.

I replied, “Why don’t you do it?” The reply was, “I have kids and a family and we live from paycheck to paycheck. I couldn’t possibly break-away not knowing where our next meal was coming from! It’s too scary!”

I explained to him how easy it was to start his own business while still holding down his present job. Then, when the business was bringing in more income than his job, he could quit. You would think this would have calmed his fear. Unfortunately, he replied, “But where do I find the time? What if it doesn’t work? I simply don’t have any extra money to lose!”

Immediately I determined that FEAR haunted this person’s life. He had been stuck in the 9-5 existence for so long and depended on such a normal routine for so long that he was absorbed in it. Unless he wanted to at least TRY, our conversation was worthless to continue.

The easiest way to combat fear is by NOT using excuses. Instead, you need to look for POSITIVE approaches to accomplish your goal. If you want to start a business, attend a meeting at the Better Business Bureau. Read some national magazines like “Income Opportunities” or “Spare Time.” Start reading the business section of your newspaper. Gather some ideas and do a little reading before actually jumping into a business. Surely you can find some spare time to read. Purchase some self-help, motivation programs. Anthony Robbins is a leader in the world of personal coaching and motivation. GET ONE of his programs or attend one of his seminars!

Also, begin associating yourself with people who are in their own business already. (An alcoholic never stopped drinking by hanging around his or her drinking buddies. They made a change by associating with people who DON’T drink.) Afraid to go out and make new friends? Attend a local business-related seminar in your community. Start watching television shows that are related to business. You’ll eventually find people to associate with who know others and you’ll be the part of a new crowd — the motivating ones!

FEAR is always your enemy. Look at it this way: If you never try, FEAR wins by 100%. However, if you do try, FEAR only has a chance of winning by 50%. If you needed a place to live and only had $10 to your name would you allow FEAR to win and make you homeless? No, most of us would find a job or borrow the money to have a roof over our heads! FEAR is the root of failure, depression and lifelong problems. Are you going to let FEAR ruin your life?

FEAR also will cause you to lose out on many other things in life. If you FEAR the boss at work is going to fire you — it will naturally be on your mind day in and day out. It will eventually wear you down and you will begin making mistakes on the job. You will also get depressed and build up resentments that may have never been there in the first place. This holds true in all areas of your life. If you are afraid of your spouse or partner leaving you chances are you will make it happen with your constant insecurities and low self-esteem.

Facing FEAR head on is the best way to combat it. If you think the boss is going to fire you — go up and ask him. It takes guts, but isn’t it better than putting yourself through many months of agonizing torture? Are you full of so much FEAR to even ask him because you think it will trigger him to say “yes” when he might not have been considering it at all? Believe me — asking a boss “if” they are thinking about firing you will put you in no different position than you are now. In fact — it will have the opposite effect. The boss will more than likely respect you for your candidness and ability to face FEAR head-on.

Is FEAR holding you back from a lot of things? Are you afraid to confront people and tell them how you really feel? Do you smile in their face and talk about them behind their back? What’s so hard about being truthful but using tact? Doesn’t it get rid of FEAR and solve many problems?

Complaining is also an act that emotionally drains you and goes hand-in-hand with FEAR. In fact, FEAR is normally the root of any complaint. People don’t want to admit their FEAR so they will complain to release some tension. This is a crazy merry-go-round! Instead of complaining, try to find ways to solve the problem. Finding excuses or reasons WHY you can’t do something is always so much easier than finding reasons why you CAN.

A aunt of mine used to drive me crazy complaining about my uncle slurping his food. She never told him about it because she had a FEAR he would be embarrassed. But when I told her I was going to tell him for her if she didn’t confront the issue head-on, it scared her into talking to him. She was kind but stern about her complaint. She didn’t instigate an argument but honestly told him it was bothering her. He immediately made a change and they lived happily ever after! (silly example and of course they had other problems but you get the picture.)

How long are you going to let fear control your life?

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